Monday, July 30, 2012

Why I wish EVERYBODY would GO to MASTERS!

I didn’t always plan on going to Masters Commission right out of high school. In fact I honestly had never even considered it. There had been a Masters in my church for many years before so I was well aware of what it was all about but I had never imagined that I would ever do it. Up until the summer after I graduated high school I had planned on going to a community college and getting my basics and hoping that somewhere along the way that I would figure out what I was going to do with my life. I had no idea in what direction I was going, what I wanted to do or honestly even who I was. I had been going to church for the greater part of my life and I was really involved in the youth group and such, I even accepted Christ as my savior and considered myself a “good” Christian girl. But there was this season towards the end of my senior year and into the summer where I was basically lost in all the changes. I felt the pressure of “having” to go to college to get a decent education and that alone was stressful because I had no idea what I was doing; I had no passion for anything. At the same time I was lost in the changes from transitioning from high school to college but I was spiritually lost. Yes I faithfully attended church and yes I was active in the worship ministry but I was not a faithful believer. I was a hypocrite, a fake, luke warm Christian looking for something. I guess you could say I was slowly going down the road of being a part of the 65% of students who leave the Church after they graduate. I was a bitter and angry person that was holding grudges and angry about life and I just wanted to live my life for me. At that point I thought I needed to experience the college life and do my own thing, but oh my, did God have another idea.

Every year the church that I am apart of hosts a youth conference towards the end of July being of August. It’s a span of three days where there’s live worship and speakers that pour into hundreds of students here in the Kansas City area and I had gone for the past 4 years. I hadn’t planned on even going this particular time. I was bitter with people in the church and I was angry and I wanted to do my own thing. Well during the day of the first night of the conference I was at my best friend’s house and I was sitting on the couch with her mom and I was telling her how I was practically done with church, and God and how I wanted to give up and she encouraged me not to be bitter and to go to the conference that evening. SO I went.  Later that night I was sitting in the auditorium and something was said to me that had pulled the last straw. At that moment I was done. So done with God, I thought Christians were fake and I was so ready to live my life. I got up from my seat and started walking out of the auditorium and as I was walking Megan Munro stopped me. She had been a good friend to me and her lovely sister Melisa Halverson was one of my leaders in the youth group and she pulled me aside and asked me where I was going. I broke down right at the moment. I knew I was running away from God. I knew that if I left the church that night the same way that I came that the call that God placed on my life would be lost. And I was tired of being lost. She prayed with me right there in the back of the room and Melisa came and she loved on me even after I had treated her horribly as my leader. Megan had been in Masters Commission and she had helped Zach and Beka Fox with their team in Floyd Iowa the year before. She introduced me to Zach and Beka and some other people who were from Floyd that were attending the conference. Immediately I felt this tug on my heart to go. I felt so welcomed and loved and I saw Zach Beka, Megan and Melissa and whatever it was that they had I wanted it! I wanted whatever it was that made them love the way they loved. I wanted whatever it was the Masters Commission did for them. I had been looking in all the wrong places for direction, and hope and peace and the night that I decided that I was going to pack up and move to God knows where the small town of Floyd Iowa peace like I had never felt swept my heart. I saw a hope for my life to where before I really had none. I know it was all God will because seriously one thing after the other started working out for me to go. It’s amazing how the Lord provides when you simply say yes to his call.

So I did it. I left all that I knew and was familiar with and embarked on a 9 month journey that has changed my life forever. I believe that God used Masters Commission to draw me closer to him and to build a living and active relationship with the creator of the universe, he used Masters Commission to teach me to depend on his strength and to fall in love the savior of the world. He used to people in the community to show me the love of Christ and the love of a church family. He used to team to build me up, encourage and stretch me. He used my directors to pour into my life with love, concern and they never gave up on me. It says in Hebrews 11:6 “… he rewards those who diligently seek him.” And that is what it’s all about that’s what I did for 9 months and let me tell you my efforts have not gone unrewarded I am so BLESSED!!! It was worth it all. I’m so thankful that I listened to the tug of the Holy Spirit that night because Master’s Commission has changed my life and set my feet running in the right direction and that is straight after the heart of my lover Jesus Christ.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

I Choose Love & I Choose Joy.

I love worship, that is no secret. I find that some of my most beautiful encounters with my father are in moments of worship.
I also find in moments of worship God brings restoration to my spirit
and he fills me with Love and compassion for him and his people.
In moments of worship sometimes God sheds light on a certain subject that is weighing on my heart and from there I am able to give it to him.
So much can happen when you step into his presence.
It's life to me.
 there is this song called "I Breathe You In, God" by Brian and Katie Torwalt from Bethel. and its such a simple and sweet song.
One day I was sitting in my room and I came across it&the first time through hearing this song my heart was brocken. and the second time I heard the song
my heart was brocken
and again the 25th time I heard this song my heart was brocken.

It's ministering to me in this season of my life.

and if you would let me I would like to explain to you why.

(The purple is the lyrics, and the Black is my input)

The presence of the Living God
Satisfies the depths of my heart"

I asked myself does your presence really satisfy all of me?am i letting other things satisfy my heart?
and that put me in check really fast...

And all of me I change when you came
And I'm led free by Your glory and grace
And I breathe You in,God
Cause you are there all around me

All of me really changed when he came how could i forget?
I was made into a new person
with a new and clean spirit. and that came because i sought him out with all of life, my prayer, devotion and worship unto him. I can not forget this.


kindness of Your love's pure light
Pierces through the darkest of all night
And everything is possible now
For God is here
And God is good

I breathe you in God
for you are good to me
I breathe you in God
cause you are good to me

All of my hopes and all of my dreams are possible because they are centered in him. Everything is possible for him, and I am his and he is mine and therefore everything I hope for is possible. i dont have to worry.
and this makes him even more good to me than before. NOt that he wasnt good before
its simply that I am more in love with him now than ever before. so now this is my pray and this is what i am going to do
i am going to worship him in this difficult and uncomfortable time

And when I don't understand
I will choose You

And when I dont understand
I will choose to love You, God

And You are good, God
For You are good to me

Its my privilege
To worship You
To worship

"When I don't understand... I'll choose you."

In this season of my life there is alot of things I don't understand.
Not because the things that weigh on my heart are overly complicated, or because I am incapable of understanding,
no that at all,
theres just so much that the Lord is doing in me and showing me
or leading me towards
that is new
and different
and kind of scary.

This is a good season for me. Even though it's not comfortable.
And lonliness has tried to wisper its name into my heart,

God is still here with me, and he is still good
and he knows why a few of the ones I love have been hurt this summer
and he loves them more than I ever could
and he knows my discontent
and he softly convicts my unsettledness in where he has planted me in this season.

I know I am being vey vague
but that is okay
because the point that I am trying to hit here is this...
that even though I don't understand whats going to happen, and even though I feel sad, discouraged and lonley (which are all very human feelings and in themselves really not bad things to feel) they are all uncomfortable feelings, I dont want to feel them... but It's taking me deeper in my relationship with my Bridegroom God.. so if that is how God is getting ahold of me, let it be!
He is taking me to a new Rest in him
a new peace and HOPE in his unfailing goodness to me.

"When I don't understand... I will choose to love you God
for you are good God
you are good to me"

HE IS SO GOOD TO ME! Look at what he has done for me! how beautiful,
how amazing
its more than enough reason to shout out his name from the rooftops
its more than enough reason to live my life for the glory of his name.
 I dont understand much of anything that i'm going through but he is still good
and he is still God
and i will choose to love and I will choose to have joy
even though its not somehting that I can naturally feel right now
I will choose to Love. I WIll choose to have jOy.

He is my God. and he Is good and that alone is reason for Love and Joy.

SO probebly this looks like a mess
and none of my thoughts are oraganized in this blog
and I missed spelled alot of words
i dont really care
and it may not make any sense to anyone but me
but I wanted to show how You can take a song and make it a personal prayer
a personal decloration in your life. HOw this particular worship song drew me to my knees and was a vessel in which God spoke directly to my heart and led me to declare that he is still GOOD.

and that is really what I needed.

THats the power of worship and prayer and the Holy Spirit
he can take me higher
as i climb higher.

SO with that
I urge myself and everyone out there that will read this to not give up hope
diligently seek him... even when it doesnt feel right or whatever the excuse may be.

There is nurishment to be found in pouring out your heart to the living GOd
and there is nurishment to be found in submitting to the conviction of the Holy Spirit.