Thursday, March 1, 2012

Very Much Loved

My name is Rebecca. And to some people here in Iowa they call me Reba.
But to the rest of the world I am Rebecca.
When I meet new people somehow my whole life story seams to come out in a short two minuet conversation and now days when I tell it I lack emotion because I've gotten so used to telling it.
I feel like my life story has shaped me into the woman that I am today.
It's driven me down the path that I am currently on.
My history has given me a perspective that most 18 year old, fresh out of high school, brunette girls don't have. And with my history I will do great things. I will LOVE hurting and orphaned children, hurting girls, Brocken hearts more than I ever could have if my history wasn't written the way that it was.
So here it is.
When I was born my name was Randi. My natural mother at the time didn't know she was even pregnant until the day she had me. May 3,1993.
(it can happen) I was born only 2 pounds. I have a biological brother and sister that I love very much to this day. I in essence was a mistake. But My natural family said that I was a miracle.
Ya ya ya.
I've heard that I kind of look like her. She was a wonderful lady, but she passed away when I was two. And I remember the night... I was only two an I remember that night... I really do and I used to wish that I couldn't but I know now that the Lord has his reasons.

Who ever my biological Dad was, was never in the picture. He knew about me but he didn't want me. He was involved with drugs an I'm pretty sure he had a whole other family.
After my mothers death me and my siblings moved in with my grandparents. My grandma loved us so much.
She tried so hard to make a life for us. She and my grandpa did.
They had a hard life to.
They lost my mother and another son to suicide... Death wasn't anything unfamiliar.
When I was 7 my grandma passed away.
And again I remember the day so clearly.. I remember it all.
To make an even longer story short after my mom had died my grandma put me in a daycare and in her will she wrote that if anything where to happen to her my day care providers would be my legal guardians.
I really didn't have any family.
After she passed away my grandpa was to old to really take care of me so I was adopted into their family. He passed away soon after that.

No family is perfect.

But I was put there for a reason.

It's taken me 11 years to really love my adopted family.
But I love them.

I grew up feeling like an orphan. Even though I had a "home" and a "family" I still felt all alone, with out love. But I was blind!
I was so blind.

I was very much loved.

Yes my brother and sister loved me even when we were separated and yes, my adopted family loved me even when we fought for years on end
Ya they all still told me they loved me but I didn't get it. I didn't get why if they loved me why did I still feel alone, and why did I still feel like an orphan? Why me? Why my mother? Why my family?

And I believe I know why now.

God wanted me to know how much he loves me.
When I had "no family"
He was my father
When I was "alone"
He was my comforter
When I felt "unloved"
He loved me.
It wasn't until I realized how much he loved me that I was able to love people, even the people In my own family!

He loves me.
The fact that I was worth something enough that he would die for me,
So that he could be with me
Forever... Is enough to melt away the bitterness
The anger
The sadness
The loneliness
The loss
It's all been washed away. I'm covered with his love!

By knowing how much he loves me
I can help others know the same.

God is Love.

He changed my life.
I want to make my life be this:

That I can share to every Brocken Heart I ever meet
That they are Very Much Loved.